


Suffocate

by fallingnights



Series: We're In The Endgame Now. [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, BAMF Pepper Potts, BAMF Tony Stark, Coping, Depression, F/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivors Guilt, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, like post the first 20 mins, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 13:59:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18740473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingnights/pseuds/fallingnights
Summary: Tony Stark is suffocating under the weight of his mistakes. Pepper Potts is there to help him breathe





	Suffocate

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Friends! This is a little idea I had that I may expand on later. Please leave comments and kudos. I'd love to know what you think! :D 
> 
> Beware of triggers. This story shows a character with depression and non-explicit suicidal thoughts

It had been 8 weeks Thanos wiped out half the population. 56 days since half the population was stolen away and the other half was left to deal with the consequences; mourning their lost fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, and families. World governments quickly moved down the line of succession, trying to pull back society from the shambles of chaos. Stark Industries was collaborating with Wakanda --who was mourning the loss of most of the royal family-- to help bring humanitarian aid to countries around the globe. Pepper Potts was leading it alongside Wakandan delegates picked by Queen Ramonda, who took the throne after the Decimation. The Avengers worked to reform SHIELD and tried to helped society function again. Natasha Romanoff took point, becoming the unofficial Director of SHIELD and working to spread support and gather intelligence across the world and the Universe; Steve Rogers was her right-hand man who split his time between Avengers duty and running the support groups Sam had left behind. Thor was dedicating all his to building New Asgard and Bruce was by his side, trying to figure himself and the Hulk out. Thanos was dead, the stones were gone, so everybody focused on rebuilding

As soon as he could leave his hospital bed, Tony Stark left it all behind. Pepper remembered watching him as he turned his back on the Avengers and left. He left them to their own devices and he and Pepper moved into the house Tony had built before the Decimation; it was supposed to be a honeymoon gift to Pepper. Tony hasn't left it since the first day they moved it. He’s been frozen, stuck in a state of overwhelming grief, sadness, anger, and the conflicting emotions just make him feel numb.  He’s just been _numb_ . He’s just _stuck_.

_Tony stared out the window the cabin, watching the rain ripple the water. “ Tony, I just got an emergency call from the Stark Relief Foundation in Washington,” Pepper said, stepping up next to his chair. “If I go, can you promise me you will be ok?"_

_“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” He muttered, looking down at his hands._

_“Rhodey said he’ll stop by every once in a while and I'll be back as soon as I can. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” He gave a small nod in response and Pepper let a sigh._

_“Tony, while I’m gone I need you to do something for me. All your life you’ve been willing to give everything up, sacrifice yourself. Right now, I need you to be willing to save yourself.” Pepper muttered, kneeling down next him and gently touching his arm. “I need you to try to figure out how I can help you. How Rhodey and I can help you. Can you do that for me?”Pepper almost thought Tony wouldn’t respond until she saw the minuscule nod of his head._

_“I love you.” She said, standing up._

_“I love you.”_

That had been four days ago.

 _I need you to be willing to save yourself._ The words reverberated around his head. Save yourself. Save yourself.  The cynical part in his brain told him he wasn’t worth saving. His mistakes cost the lives of half the population, why should he be saved?

Maybe, if he had tired a little harder to keep the team together. _No trust. Liar._

Maybe, if he had tired the Ultron program again. _What we needed was a suit of armor around the world!_

Maybe, if he had fought harder against Thanos. _Spare his life and I'll give you the stone._

Maybe, if he had been better. _I don’t want to go, Mister Stark._

But he didn’t, he wasn't and now they were all gone. Why should he be saved? Why should he be living in the dust they left behind?

_You could have saved us. Why didn’t you do more?_

Tony ran his hand over the wall as he walked slowly to the kitchen. His eye caught on one of the selves placed in the corner of the kitchen and he moved towards it. There was a few pictures of him and Pepper and a few other random photos on the self; he forgot that he put most of these up. He gingerly picked up one of the frames near the front off the shelf.

 _"Mr. Stark," Peter_ _said, gaping the certificate Tony held up. "You didn't have to do this." Tony scoffed as he spun the frame, trying to hide the nervousness shaking his hands._

_"I didn't do anything, kid." He clapped Peter on the shoulder. "You did this. You earned this, Pete." Peter flushed red and floundered for words._

_"I'm not even a real intern, Mr. Stark." The way Peter said it you would think he was pouting._

_"Of course you are. You're my unpaid minion, aren't you? Now it's just official."_

_"I like to think I get paid in knowledge," Peter muttered, red as a tomato._

_"Exactly the right answer kiddo," Tony smirked, ruffling Peter's hair. Peter hit his hand away and tried to fix the mess that Tony made of hair. "Geez kid, use a whole bottle of gel this morning?" Peter narrowed his eyes and made a noise of indignation. Tony rolled his eyes but smiled as he waved Happy, who had been listening to the conversation from a polite distance. Tony tossed Happy his phone._

_"Warm a guy next time, Boss." Happy called, almost dropping his phone._

_"Hap, you could drop that thing from 90 story building and it wouldn't it crack. C'mere kid." Tony pulled Peter next to him and shoved the other end of the framed certificate into Peter's hand. Happy fumbled with the phone before lifting it up to take a picture. "Smile. You,” He poked Peter in the chest. “Are now an actual, legal Stark Industries intern."_

_"Pretend like you like each other." Happy said._

_"Can you make a reasonable request, Hap?" Tony joked, raising bunny ears behind Peter's head. Happy didn't bother dignifying that with a response beside an eyeroll._

_“Say Stark Industries.” He said, watching as Peter moved his hand above Tony’s head to give him bunny ears. He clicked the photo and tossed the phone back to Tony._

_“Hey, look,” Peter pointed to the bunny ears, his which he completely miscalculated and put way above Tony’s head. “We match.” Peter’s smile was so wide and any sarcastic retort Tony had died. He instead matched the grin and ruffled Peter’s hair again._

_“Mr. Stark,” Peter whined, shoving the phone and certificate into Tony’s chest, trying to tame his hair. Tony laughed and just looked at Peter. This kid, man. How did he live without Peter?_

Thunder cracked outside the house. Grey light spilled in through the windows. Tears fell onto the picture frame. Tony didn’t save Peter. Tony held him as he _died_. A sob ripped through his chest. He wasn’t numb, he was in agony.

Tony set the picture down and leaned into his hand and _sobbed_. God, everything hurt. The weight of the pushed down on him and Tony was suffocating. His cries turned into a breathless gasp of air and he felt himself spiraling.

Pepper pulled open the door slowly, but quickly dropped all caution when she heard him. Pepper rushed to the kitchen, a thousand different sceneries rushing through her head when she saw Tony hunched over the counter, sobbing. She walked carefully over to him and saw the picture, everything snapping into perspective.

“Tony,” She whispered gently, hesitantly placing a hand on his shoulder. “I need you to breathe. Take a breath, okay?”  

“I couldn't save him, Pep.” Tony croaked. “I couldn’t save any of them.” He couldn’t breathe. Pepper felt her heart stop and her breath hitch. No, no. She let out a breath and shook it off. Tony needed her.

“Breathe.” Her voice was steady despite her shaking hands. Pepper had been here before. PTSD, panic attacks; Pepper had helped Tony before. He was one of the strongest people she knew but one person could only take so much. She grabbed his shoulders as gently as she could and turned him to face her. “Breathe with me.” Tony stopped taking, and tried to breathe; mimicking her exaggerated breaths. They stood like that for a few minutes.

“You’re okay,” Pepper muttered, pulling Tony into a hug. Tony pressed his head into Pepper’s shoulder.

“I held him in my arms as he turned to dust.” He begged for me to not to let him go, Pep and I couldn’t do anything.” Tears soaked her blouse and she couldn’t do anything but hold him. “Strange gave up the time stone for me. This is all my _fault_.”

“Tony, it is not your fault.” She soothed. “You did everything you could. You know you did. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. We’re gonna be okay.” Tony pressed closer into her. It wasn’t okay, but something small flicked in him. It could be okay. Everything could be okay.  


End file.
